For English, press 1. Actually, if you're In Homer Township, you can press any number you want. There are no other options.
The township board voted this week to declare English the official language for its 25,000 residents.
Back in June, trustee Vicki Bozen attempted to pass the same resolution, but it was defeated 3-1. On Monday, the resolution's naysayers were absent from the meeting, and the three present board members voted unanimously to pass it.
"It has nothing to do with race," co-writer township clerk Steve Balich said, reports the Southtown Star. "It has to do with the law and whether or not a person is a legal immigrant."
With a population that is 94% white, we didn't realize the Homer Township had such a bad immigration problem.
"Homer Township Board recognizes that there most likely no serious problem with illegal immigration, in the township, but wants to make it policy to enforce the Rule of law in Homer Township," the resolution read.
"The Homer Township Board, supports actions to enforce existing immigration law, enforce residency requirements in our school districts, and acknowledge that English the dominant language of Homer Township," it continued.
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Firstly, Homer Township, are you sure that broken English isn't your official language? The grammar in your resolution—a formal expression from a legal entity—is atrocious.
Secondly, imposing this new law could prove difficult, seeing as the township has no agency or authority to enforce it.
"I don't consider it wasting time," Balich said, according to the Southtown Star.
Certainly not. We must protect our language, even if it's in no real danger at all.
The supporting trustees are hoping that their little township will create a national buzz.
"We would love this issue to explode throughout the nation," Bozen said, reports the Chicago Tribune.
And we would love to help you with your English, seeing as it's your official language and all.
Matt Bartosik is a Chicago native and a social media sovereign.
