Chicago's Budget Is So Bad . . .

Oh it's bad

By Steve Rhodes
|  Thursday, Oct 22, 2009  |  Updated 1:40 PM CDT
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Chicago Style Twins

These ideas may be laughable, but then again ...

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Mayor Daley is scheduled to give his annual budget address this morning and the city's finances look so grim we wouldn't be surprised to hear the following proposals.

- All cronies must take three furlough days in 2010.

- No-bid contracts will become oral no-bid contracts to save on paper.

- Water meters will be privatized; you'll have to feed them every 15 minutes.

- Venetian Night will be replaced by Venetian Casino Night.

- All backroom deals will now be made in the less expensive front room.

- Red-light cameras will be replaced by green-light cameras. You will be billed for each one you go through.

- All ghost payrollers must now show up at City Hall twice a month to collect their checks to save on postage.

- Brown paper bags used to transport cash will be replaced by plastic bags salvaged from Jewel parking lots.

- City workers must now use their own vehicles to sleep in during their shifts instead of city vehicles.

- City will outsource mob connections to southern, union-free Outfit.

Steve Rhodes is the proprietor of The Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.

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