Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-Impeached) has decided against attending Barack Obama's inauguration because "he doesn't want to be a distraction."
That old excuse struck us as a bit odd, seeing as how Blagojevich has made a career out of being the biggest, baddest distraction around. We did a little digging and found out that Blagojevich actually had already made plans for the Inauguration Day. Here's what he'll be doing.
- Brushing his hair with 100 strokes an hour.
- Practicing perjury for his upcoming trial.
- Trying to re-sell Obama's senate seat.
- Balancing his Swiss bank account.
- Re-reading The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner.
- Asking the mob to help get him out of a jam.
- Re-organizing his baseball card collection.
- Taking the state jet out to scout for lairs.
- Re-writing the state constitution to make everything he's done legal.
- Planning his getaway by watching Hogan's Heroes reruns.
- Curling up in the fetal position and bawling his head off.
- Planning his 2016 presidential run.