A Lifetime of Lies

An exasperated Roland Burris can't understand why reporters -- and members of the House impeachment comittee before which he testified -- can't see the difference between conversations about his desire to be appointed to the U.S. Senate and conversations about the actual appointment. After all, Burris has made distinctions like this his whole life.

Imagine the following scenes: 

Age 9: "But mom, you didn't ask me if I broke the window. You just said, who was throwing the ball in the house. And I wasn't 'throwing' it."

Age 15: "But dad, you asked who put the dent in the car. You didn't ask who accidentally brushed the car up against a tree."

Age 19: "But professor, you didn't ask me if I cheated on the test, you just asked if I was looking at Bob's answers. I wasn't, I was looking at the answers I wrote on my arm."

Age 27: "But honey, you just asked if I was seeing someone else. I'm not seeing her, I just slept with her."

Age 35: "But nowhere in this contract does it say American dollars."

Age 42: "But I bet you that the Packers would beat the Bears, and you have to admit that the Bears didn't so much win that game as the Packers lost it."

Age 56: "Well, the IRS really needs to be more clear about its rules then. These tax liabilities may have been from last year, but this is this year's tax return.

Age 61: "I may have been in this polling place earlier today, but how do you know I actually voted?"