Pols Take The Fourth
How they'll celebrate
By STEVE RHODES
Updated 1:18 PM CST, Tue, Jul 28, 2009
Our best guess as to how our political luminaries will spend the Fourth of July weekend.
- Richard M. Daley: Denies knowing anything about fireworks contract going to nephew.
- Pat Quinn: Hasn't decided yet.
- Rod Blagojevich: Home mysteriously burns to ground in fireworks "accident."
- Patti Blagojevich: Hitchhikes Appalachian Trail with John Salley.
- Patrick Fitzgerald: Puts on John Phillip Sousa while writing up new round of indictments.
- Michael Madigan: Plots impeachment proceedings against Quinn while eating corn on the cob.
- Todd Stroger: Begs not to be taken to Cook County ER after hurting himself in a sparkler incident.
- Roland Burris: Amends earlier statement saying he wanted cheese on that burger; your fault for not asking right.
- Barack Obama: Will return home to visit the Taste of Chicago and pretend to like food.
- Dick Durbin: "The banks own this holiday!"
- Alexi Giannoulias: Lets Bright Start funds ride on Papa's Mustache in the fourth.
- Lisa Madigan: Announces exploratory committee to search her soul and pass the potato salad.
- Pat Ryan: Buys Olympic insurance policy from GEICO.
- Citizens: Plugging parking meters because they are now in effect on holidays, too, thanks to the mayor's brilliant dealmaking.
Steve Rhodes is the proprietor of The Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.
Copyright NBC Local Media
First Published: Jul 3, 2009 7:04 AM CST
You Might Like
You have 2000 characters left
