Our best guess as to how our favorite local celebrities will celebrate Turkey Day.
Richard M. Daley: Will blame the media for killing the bird and deny he knew anything about the stuffing hidden in its butt.
Oprah: Turkeys will celebrate her.
Pat Quinn: Will take three hours deciding between white meat or dark, finally appointing a commission to decide for him.
Jay Cutler: Will not be asked to pass the gravy.
Mark Kirk: This turkey is a terrorist!
Milton Bradley: Worst. Turkey. Ever.
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Andy McKenna: That wig on the turkey is not funny, Andy.
Todd Stroger: Will blame media for overcooking his turkey.
Mike Ditka: Will eat 46 turkeys and have room for dessert.
Bobby Rush: This turkey is racist!
George Ryan: Bologna sandwiches with the boys on Cell Block D.
Rod Blagojevich: Will appear on Rachael Ray with a family recipe from old country, where he just wanted to help working people.
Patti Blagojevich: Will appear on Martha Stewart with old family homemaking tips for the holidays, such as how to properly store favors from precinct captains.
Steve Rhodes is the proprietor of The Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.
