Turning the Walk of Shame Into the Walk of Fame
Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater
By JON IBRAHIM
Updated 3:48 PM CST, Fri, Jan 2, 2009
Not long ago I bit the bullet and actually spent the night at a girl's place instead of heading home after the post-date festivities. Shocked? Yeah, me too.
As I was leaving, I complained how I wished I didn't have to wear the previous night's uncomfortable "going out" clothes for the ride home. She responded with, "Yeah, the old walk of shame."
What? I was borderline offended. Who said anything about being "ashamed?"
In life we all do things we're later ashamed of, like lying to your parents, stealing your neighbor's newspaper, or doing that naked strip tease at your annual office holiday party. But regardless of how many items are on your "things I'm ashamed of" list, sex shouldn't be one of them.
But not everyone is quick to agree with that philosophy. The "walk of shame" is that slow walk home sporting wrinkled clothes and a hangover in the wee hours of the morning after a night of sex. You're neighbors catching you in the act only adds to the shame because they obviously know what you did last night. But I think it's all crap! Riddle me this: when did getting laid become something to be ashamed of?
Unless you're George Clooney, we single dudes don't have sex just falling in our laps. We have to work for it. When we finally get it, it's cause for celebration, not shame. When fishermen catch a huge fish, they're not embarrassed. They take pictures proudly holding it up as if to say, "Hey look what I got!" If only it were socially acceptable for us to do the same when we get sex.
If you think your disheveled appearance is a reason to do the walk of shame, don't. Just because your hair is messed up, you're hung over, and you ladies have your panties balled up in your purse, is no reason to be ashamed. When firefighters come back from a fire we're all stinky and sooty with a bad case of helmet head, but we're not embarrassed. We wear it like a badge of honor. People see us that way and say, "Wow they must have been at a big fire," just like they'll look at your appearance and say, "That lucky bastard must've gotten a little last night." Be proud. Even if in a drunken stupor you had sex with someone who was, shall we say, quite below your standards, there's still no need for shame. Look at it as a positive. While I wouldn't make a habit of it, subpar sex is still sex. Sex is like pizza -- it's good no matter what kind you have.
Obviously the best way to avoid the walk of shame is to simply never do anything you'd later be ashamed of, but that's easier said than done. The mixture of alcohol and horniness can be a recipe for disaster. If any embarrassing actions the night before can't be avoided, then focus your shame-repelling efforts on the morning after. If you behave awkwardly like there's something to be ashamed of then you'll both feel uncomfortable. But if you treat your partner like they were a meaningless object in a one-nighter, you've probably doomed them into doing the walk themselves. Instead, before you leave, act like you had the time of your life. Look at it optimistically with no regrets, and realize a hungover cab ride to wherever you parked your car at 8 am is a small price to pay for an active sex life -- not a cause for shame.
So the next time that neighbor stares at you disapprovingly when you come home, just wink and yell with a grin, "That's right. And how was your night?"
First Published: Jan 2, 2009 3:38 PM CST
You Might Like
You have 2000 characters left
