The End of Casual Sex
Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater
By JON IBRAHIM
Updated 7:00 PM CST, Tue, Mar 17, 2009
Casual dating is great for all sorts of reasons, but mostly because you can date and have a sex life while staying independent. We casual daters can just pick up the phone and get one of our opposite sex casual dating cohorts to go out for sushi, have a few laughs, and, if the relationship is at that level, the night ends with your clothes in a pile on the floor. Sounds too good to be true, right?
Yep, it is. Unless you're willing to get serious, all casual sex relationships will eventually come to an end.
You see, we male casual daters see a lot of girls come and go. Sometimes you have sex a few times and one or the other just stops calling. That's just the way it goes. But then there's the girls you have a blast with in and out of the bedroom that you want to continue dating, but on the same casual level. It's crappy enough when you lose just one of those girls, but when you see it numerous times in your dating career, it can be downright demoralizing. No one likes to see a good thing end.
So why does it have to end? The most common reason is because they eventually end up getting boyfriends. Next thing you know they're telling you they can't have sex with you anymore because they really care about the guy and blah blah blah. Damn you, morals! Damn you!
The truth is, most of these girls were probably looking for a relationship from the get-go. When they realized you weren't down with the whole exclusive relationship thing, then they settled for just having fun until the right guy came along. Once he does, they no longer have any use for you. Just like that you become permanently typecast as "Mr. Right Now." You're simply utilitarian.
I guess the reason why it can wear on you is because you have to endure so many cool girls moving on. It's like being immortal and watching all the mere mortal people you care about eventually die off. If you meet a fun girl whose rockin' in bed, you can never fully savor it, because you know one day she's going to move on due to your lack of wanting to get serious. It's a vicious cycle.
Come to think of it, it can be downright torture. Good sex is addicting. You can't just quit cold turkey. It's like giving a child a cool toy to play with and then yanking it away. He'd freak.
But what's the alternative? Force yourself into a relationship just because the sex is good? Hell no! I'm sure those of you who've tried it can attest that it never works out.
In the end I guess we can't complain when our casual flings leave for greener pastures, because that's the program we signed up for. It comes with the territory. You have to take the good with the bad. Instead, try putting a positive spin on things. Don't think of it as losing a sexual option; consider it an open spot for someone new on your sex roster.
That's what I call a happy ending.
First Published: Mar 17, 2009 6:45 PM CST
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