Poll: 81% Of Americans Say Legalize Weed!!!

Now is the time to open a taco stand, people.

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Are you one of those Americans who doesn’t like the idea of legalizing marijuana nationally? Well, I have news for you, BUCKO. You are totally in the minority, and the rest of America is sick and tired of you holding us back from our sweet, sweet construda.

    A new poll commissioned by ABC News has discovered that 81% of Americans thinks it's time to LEGALIZE IT:

    Eight in 10 Americans support legalizing marijuana for medical use and nearly half favor decriminalizing the drug more generally, both far higher than a decade ago.

    Older readers will recognize this as a sea change: For years, the movement to decriminalize marijuana seemed like a lost cause in this country. No matter how many Black Crowes concerts NORML staged, the conservative movement against pot remained all but intractable.

    But according to ABC, support for both medicinal and recreational marijuana use has increased sharply, and in a relatively short time frame. And freedom is on the march: Those people who hate the idea of making pot legal? They’re all OLD. 

    Age is a factor. Just 23 percent of senior citizens favor legalizing marijuana for personal use; that jumps to 51 percent of adults under age 65.

    You see? Everyone over 65 is holding us legalizers back.

    If there is still strong support among young people to keep pot illegal, it remains within the conservative movement. And to those people, I say: BAH! Hypocrites! You people are always railing against government intervention in health care, business, and schools, and all that stuff.

    But the second someone healthy lights up at an ice show, you’re all like INTERVENE! INTERVENE! And that is so wrong. You people are against FREEDOM and LIBERTY, and you’re not going to hold us back much longer. Soon, weed will be 100% legal, and we’ll have to double the nation’s Dorito supply, and you will have to deal with it. Possibly by smoking weed.

    Drew Magary is a columnist/satirist for Deadspin.com