Not All Do-Overs Are a Good Thing
Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater
By JON IBRAHIM
Updated 3:26 PM CST, Fri, Jan 2, 2009
As a firefighter, people commonly ask how I deal with the tons of bad things I see everyday. The answer is simple: I don't dwell on it. I always go forward, never back.
I think that philosophy is why I've got it so together when it comes to sex and dating. When I make important decisions in my love and sex life I'm resolute. I never look back. I accept my decision and stick with it.
Lately there have been a lot of people around me who I wish would take that same advice -- specifically people who keep going back to their exes. They fight, break up, go through the standard sulking period and then decide they can't handle it anymore. Next thing you know they're crawling back to their ex. I call them "do-overs."
Sometimes do-overs are a good thing. When you get whacked playing Medal of Honor on your PS2, you just start the level over again. That's a good do-over. Getting back together with an ex, however, is a bad do-over. It's a "don't-over."
And as if once wasn't bad enough, some do it several times with the same person. Even celebrities who can have anyone they want fall victim to the hex of the ex.
Take Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. How many black eyes, restraining orders, and cases of hepatitis does it take for the lights to come on?
Trust me, I know of what I speak. Admittedly, even I have done the do-over with an ex. Not only did it not work out, it was a freakin' horror show. Do-overs will always end badly. Some of you know what I'm talking about and have the emotional scars to prove it. For the rest of you who are in denial, read on.
When you go through a break-up, you're taken to an emotional low. The depression and sadness you're feeling can make you physically sick, and you think it's all because you're without your ex. You think the heartache will never go away without them. Trust me, it's normal.
The pain will stop after a while, soon followed by the "what the hell was I thinking?!?" epiphany. It's like an alcoholic who's drying out. They get crazy-sick for about five days, but after it passes, they bounce back. The same goes for break-ups. Consider it relationship detox.
But some fall off the wagon. During a break-up, the mind can play tricks on you. Some start thinking about all the good times they had together. They never think about all the bad stuff that led to the break-up in the first place. So they call the ex. They do the do-over and the cycle repeats. It's like chugging a bottle of relationship vodka.
Things might be fine for a while, but like clockwork, the bad stuff rears its ugly head again. He cheats again or she continues her psycho behavior. The fighting ensues, followed by the impending second break-up. The thought of, "I can't believe he/she did this to me again!" might even make this break-up worse than the first. Some masochists even go in for a third or fourth helping.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Your ex should stay your ex. That means no "just friends", no sex, and no do-overs. Lose their number. If you were the dumper, why would you want to stay friends with someone you discarded? If you were the dumpee, why would you want someone who didn't want you? See ya in rehab.
First Published: Dec 9, 2008 12:28 PM CST
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