Ask Chat Daddy: Porn Addict, Gay Couple

AskCatDaddy@nbc5.com

By ART "CHAT DADDY" SIMS

Updated 4:03 PM CST, Thu, Nov 6, 2008

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Dear Chat Daddy,
My husband and I have been married now for seven years. There’s nothing that I won’t do for him, and he feels the same way about me. We have always been open and honest in terms of our sexuality and what works for us in the bedroom. But lately, he has developed a fascination with pornography that involves bondage and sadomasochism. He would rather watch x-rated movies than be intimate with me and it is putting a strain on our relationship. The other day, I found approximately 1,000 DVDs that he hid in our closet and when I confronted him, he seemed nonchalant and aloof about it. I even caught him once around 3 in the morning, watching one, so it’s obvious that he does this behind my back. It’s getting to a point where I almost hate being close to him because of this. I think he really needs help. Please advise.

Chat Daddy:
Wow, you mean to tell me that your husband has 1,000 DVDs of pornography? That’s a lot. When your spouse is more concerned with something other than you sexually, there is a problem. While it is nothing wrong with a loving couple exploring different sexual experiences and ideals, doing so behind one’s back suggests that there is something definitely wrong. Have a sit down with him and let your man know how it truly makes you feel. I would also suggest that the two of you get marital counseling just to flesh out some of the emotions and other thoughts about your relationship dynamic. Explore the reasons why and focus on finding a healthy solution. Maybe try doing things together and it may be interesting to watch the DVDs with him-then act out on each other what you saw. That might be what your relationship needs in order to light the fire back up. Be open minded and let all of your inhibitions go! Here’s to you both working on reestablishing a healthy, exciting sex life while maintaining open communication and unconditional love in the process.

Dear Chat Daddy,
I’m a 25-year-old female with a 5-year-old daughter who is starting kindergarten this fall. I am currently in a relationship with a 30-year-old woman. We have the best family time together, but I’m starting to worry about how to explain to my daughter about our family lifestyle and our situation appropriately to her. I don’t want her to feel ashamed because she has two mommies who love her very much raising her. We want to get her to the point where she feels comfortable enough to embrace her upbringing and hold her head up high when confronted with questions from classmates who will eventually notice that she has two mommies, instead of a mommy and daddy. I don’t want her to face any issues of not having a normal family life by having parents of the same sex. Can you please advise me on how to handle this subject?

Chat Daddy:
A normal family is what you make of it. A loving complete family does not have to be comprised of a male or female figure in order to give a child the nurturing and support that he or she needs. This type of family situation is very common in many households today. Addressing the subject matter must be handled carefully. Learning while teaching acceptance is how we can handle this type of situation without offending anyone. Before you set out to tell your daughter about your new romance, please make sure that you are truly committed to your new sexual orientation and that you are not just experimenting because this woman is treating you both well. If this is what you are committed to then address your daughter as her questions arise. At this point in her life, I feel as if she may still be a bit too young for such a conversation. The Internet is full of guides and other resources that will assist you and your partner along in attempting to explain to your daughter your family dynamic. You and your partner may want to do some research on how to explain a same sex parenting household to her. Here’s to your family being healthy, happy and accepting all in the name of real love.