A Bad Economy Can Be Bad for Your Sex Life
Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater
By JON IBRAHIM
Updated 4:03 PM CST, Thu, Nov 6, 2008
Between the record number of home foreclosures, the Dow plunging faster than Britney Spears' career, and the cardiac palpitations you get whenever you fill up your car, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize our economy is in the toilet. It all adds up to some pretty extraordinary times we're living in.
But at the same time, I've noticed my sex life has been pretty extraordinary too -- but not in a good way. I recently started noticing over the last few months that my dating and sex life -- like the economy -- was hitting an inexplicable slowdown, and I had no clue why.
Then the light bulb came on. It wasn't a coincidence. To cite a quote coined during the first Bill Clinton presidentialcampaign, "It's the economy, stupid."
It's my contention that there's a direct correlation between a bad economy and a sex life recession. I know on the surface that might seem hard to believe; you'd think during hard times people would want to have more sex to relieve all the stress, not less. It always makes me feel better, after all!
So why isn't there a whole lotta sexin' goin' on? It's simple: having a sex life costs money. No, freaks, I don't mean the illegal stuff, like paying for it on North Avenue, I'm talking about all the ancillary things vital to having a good sex and dating life that costs money, like drinks, dinners, parking, shows and cabs. Not to mention the outrageous price of condoms lately?!?
When people are having a hard time scraping up coin to pay the rent and filling the tank, they have to make cuts where they can, and the social dating and sex life may be one of them. Now yes, one might argue that men are the ones who usually shoulder the dating financial burden, because we, in an attempt to be gentlemanly, usually pick up the tab on the dinner and drinks on most dates. I mean any guy who makes the girl pay half on the bill isn't going to get very far, right?
But women feel the crunch too. Often women go out with only her girlfriends to have fun and meet people. But when times are tough they might do it less frequently to save money on drinks, cabs, etc. There's a trickle-down effect with this that affects us men. If fewer women are going out for financial reasons, then they'll be less women out there for us guys to meet. It'll create a city full of sausage fests, thus providing less sex and dating for us dudes. Species of animals have gone extinct for reasons like this!
I know you're thinking you can both save money and invite her over to your place for a date, right? Wrong. The biggest change I've noticed in my sex life is that the same women who've always been cool with driving to my place before, are doing it less and less now -- especially the ones who live further away. The reason? Gas prices. Some women have even straight up admitted that to me. And since offering them gas money isn't very classy, either you have to drive to her place and deal with moronic roommates or just go sexless. Either way it's a lose-lose situation. Damn you, OPEC!
At the end of the day, there's no easy solution to the problem. We just have to hunker down and weather the economic storm, but it might get worse before it gets better. Guys, expect more women to go for the free drinks than you might be used to. Expect girls to turn down a dinner date if you have a rep for going Dutch. And ladies, expect less guys who are willing to buy you those $10 drinks and $20 cover charges if they just met you at the previous bar. Don't be offended. It's not you. Times are tight, and until Congress finds a way to pass a bail-out bill for our sex lives, we can probably expect them to stay that way for quite some time.
Click here to read more columns from Jon Ibrahim.
First Published: Oct 12, 2008 8:12 PM CST
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