Spencer Pratt Declares Himself King of America; We Have Other Names For Him

We have some ideas...

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    NEWSLETTERS

    MTV
    Fleshbeard?

    Okay, everyone laughs at Heidi and Spencer Pratt's staged photo ops and I'm a Celebrity... shenanigans, and Heidi's so-called music career, and Spencer's so-called "beard," because we all know that they're just trying to get people to take pictures of them, and to get America to continue to pay attention to them. But now it's just sad.

    Spencer claims he is in the process of changing his name -- legally, mind you -- to "King Spencer Pratt," because, in his words, "I have decided that if there is a Queen of England and Prince William, we need to have a King of America, and I have nominated myself for that title." Seriously, is he mentally ill? [Dear Rest of the World: Please ignore him.]

    In further "news," he has apparently rejected an earlier nickname he gave himself, "the white Jay-Z," because he "did [his] research" and discovered he is "nothing like" Jay-Z. That must have been some exhaustive research, and not just Googling Jay-Z and realizing that Jay-Z has actually accomplished things, while Pratt has accomplished jack squat. Since he's lost his nickname, and we refuse to recognize his sovereignty, we've come up with some other nicknames he may want to try out. Because we're going to use them anyway.

    Spencer for Hire
    Fleshbeard
    The Labelmaker
    The White Eminem
    Speidi-Man
    Prattfail
    Look Sky-Gawker
    Mrs. Montag

    Nominate your further suggestions below.