The Greatest John Hughes Movie Quotes of All Time

By Zach Oat
|  Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010  |  Updated 2:54 PM CDT
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The Greatest John Hughes Movie Quotes of All Time

John Hughes' 1987 film "Planes, Trains and Automobiles," had Steve Martin and John Candy delivering hysterical lines.

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The world lost a great filmmaker this week, as legendary screenwriter and director John Hughes passed away. Not only did the man write and direct many of the 1980s' greatest, funniest films -- Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off -- he wrote the screenplays for dozens more, including Pretty in Pink, Home Alone and the first three Vacation movies. We went through his body of work to pull out some of the funniest lines that we still quote to this day.

"I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up." -- Samantha, Sixteen Candles

"Relax, would you? We have 70 dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens." -- The Geek, Sixteen Candles

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?" -- Brian Johnson, The Breakfast Club

"Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated." -- John Bender, The Breakfast Club

"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" -- Duckie, Pretty in Pink

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." -- Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"If whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes." -- Jeannie Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"I do have a test today, that wasn't bulls**t. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car." -- Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted, and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going." -- Del, Planes, Trains and Automobiles

"I don't want to hear any more about anyone blowing anything out of their ass." -- Connie Ripley, The Great Outdoors

"Nothing burps better than bacon" -- Dutch, Dutch

"What do you like to do for fun? Oh, you like to wiggle and grunt. Me, too." -- Dutch, Dutch

"We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." -- Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah." -- Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

"This is what my girlfriend would look like without skin." -- Duncan, Some Kind of Wonderful

"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh?" -- Cousin Eddie, Vacation

"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads, Ken. That's serious." -- Jack Butler, Mr. Mom

"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face." -- Buck, Uncle Buck

Rattle off your favorite John Hughes-penned lines below.

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