Ward Room
Covering Chicago's nine political influencers

Won't the Real Bill Brady Please Stand Up?

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Is Bill Brady having an identity crisis? In his latest ad, Brady tries to present himself as a man who can encompass all the diversity of Illinois. In less than 30 seconds, Brady talks to a farmer, hugs an inner-city youth, poses in front of a John Deere, and stands on a balcony overlooking downtown Chicago.

     Pat Quinn’s latest ad also asks who the real Bill Brady is. The spot begins with a shot of a semi-automatic weapon, as one of those deep-voiced “in a world” narrators declares, “Senator Bill Brady opposes a ban on assault weapons. Bill Brady even opposes restricting guns in or near schools. Who is this guy? The more we learn about Bill Brady, the worse it gets.”

     Who is the real Bill Brady? Here’s the answer, set to the tune of “The Real Slim Shady”:

     May I have your attention please? Will the real Bill Brady please stand up?

     Y’all act like you haven’t seen a Republican since the Stone Age
     Jaws all on the floor like Glenn Beck just burst onto the Sears Centre stage
     And started cursin’ Obama in a white-hot rage
     Like a Walmart greeter after I cut his minimum wage

     Look at him drivin’ around in his wife’s German sports car
     Skippin’ votes on the Senate floor
     Not payin’ income taxes since about 2004
     But he showed half his construction workers the door

     None of you liberals can even stomach me
     And think you I’m bloodthirsty just ’cause I went to a Tea Party
     “But Bill, what if you won, wouldn’t it be weird?”
     Not as weird as a wedding between two queers. (EWWW)

     So if you think rich folks shouldn’t pay taxes
     Sing this chorus and wave your tea bags
     ’Cause I’m Bill Brady, yes I’m the real Brady
     All you other Bill Bradys are just imitating
     So won’t the real Bill Brady please stand up,
     Please stand up, please stand up.