Ward Room
Covering Chicago's nine political influencers

Mark Kirk Is the Forrest Gump of Military History, and Other Amusing Tweets

Email
|
Print

    NEWSLETTERS

    Mark Kirk is a big hit in the Twitterverse. Ever since the congressman developed Munchausen’s Syndrome about his role in Operation Iraqi Freedom, Tweeters have been speculating about other military adventures he might have photoshopped himself into. As one put it, “Mark Kirk is quickly becoming the Forrest Gump of modern US military operations, popping up everywhere since 1991.”

    @KagroX: Mark Kirk actually took Aaron Burr’s first bullet.

    @mattbramanti: Mark Kirk apologizes. Turns out he didn’t really pull Blumenthal to safety in Vietnam.

    Mark Kirk was not the captain of the Starship Enterprise. He confused himself with another officer who has the same last name. (That was Ward Room's tweet.)

    @KagroX: I’m hearing now that Mark Kirk might NOT have actually been a Knight of the Round Table, but did eat Thanksgiving dinner at the kids’ table.

    @ranggrol: I heard that Mark Kirk died fighting the Nazis. And “In The Air Tonight” was written about him.

    @theangrymick: In 2001, Mark Kirk, using only his left hand, single-handedly defeats a Mogadishu warlord for possession of a downed Black Hawk helicopter.

    @theangrymick: In 1987, Mark Kirk, along with a large mercenary known only “Dutch” were the sole survivors of a alien attack in Central America.

    @theangrymick: In 1986, Ohio Republican Mark Kirk saves democracy by flying air missions in the Persian Gulf with wingmen Maverick, Goose and Iceman.

    @KagroX: When Mark Kirk was with the Maccabees, he actually made the miraculous oil last NINE days, but lets people settle for 8 out of modesty.

    @UnstableIsotope: Mark Kirk is Congressman of the Year

    @KagroX: Mark Kirk might actually not even be a Member of Congress! Just keeps showing up like Milton from Office Space!

    @HeyDigDiggy: Mark Kirk is not actually the Green Knight at Medieval Times

    @joey_the_dog: Republican senate candidate Mark Kirk continues to honor our fighting men and women by pretending to be one of them.