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Illinois Named 2nd Least Popular State

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Illinois Named 2nd Least Popular State

Illinois should be the fifth most popular state, because it’s fifth in population. And other states are jealous of us because we’re the home of the president of the United States (who won the popular vote), the most powerful man in the world.

According to a new Public Policy Polling survey, California and Illinois are the least popular states in the union, while Hawaii, Colorado, Tennessee, South Dakota and Virginia are the most popular.

This says a lot more about the inherent flaws of telephone surveys than it does about the charms of any of these states.

The fact is, California is the most popular state in America. How do I know this? I looked at the latest census count, which found that 37 million people live in California, making it the most populous state.

The definition of popular is “regarded with favor, approval, or affection by people in general.” California is regarded with favor by more Americans than any other state, because more Americans have chosen to live there than any other state. Calling California the most unpopular is like calling American Idol the most unpopular TV show because everyone who doesn’t watch it thinks it coarsens the entertainment scene by showcasing the vocal stylings of dilettantish teenagers.

Think of high school. Remember the popular kids in high school? You hated them, didn’t you? Everyone hated the popular kids. But they got more dates than anyone else. That’s how the rest of the nation feels about California. It’s jealous because so many good-looking people live there.

Using the same logic, Illinois is the fifth most popular state, because it’s fifth in population. And other states are jealous of us because we’re the home of the president of the United States (who won the popular vote), the most powerful man in the world. (We’re also the home of the most powerful man in the universe. Go to Metropolis if you don’t believe me.) If a similar poll had been taken after the Civil War, Illinois probably would have been named most unpopular, due to unanimous Southern resentment of Abraham Lincoln.

“We didn’t ask why, but it's got to be partly the president and partly because it’s a blue state, the Chicago-style politics and (people) make it out to be a hellhole of corruption," Dustin Ingalls, assistant to the director at Public Policy Polling, told the Tribune.

Just the fact that we made the top two is an indication of our popularity, because it means that other states are thinking about us. The opposite of popularity isn’t disdain, it’s indifference. You’ll notice that Delaware, Wyoming, North Dakota and Idaho didn’t make the list. Those states are so unpopular that hardly anyone lives in them. As a result, they’re too unpopular even to make a list of unpopular states, because no one knows anything about them. They’re the kids who sit in the back of the classroom and never say a word from freshman year to senior year. No one hates them, but no invites them to movies, either.

Illinois. Hated By Many (Not That We Care What Other States Think). Ignored By None.

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