After Ward Room published an article comparing Hyde Park’s snobbery to the North Shore’s snobbery, an amused North Shore reader wrote in with some suggestions of his own. Because nothing is more fun than making fun of people who take themselves too seriously, here’s another list of differences between Hyde Park and the North Shore.
Be careful who you share this with, though. One of Rod Blagojevich’s associates once said, “There are two places that you don’t want to be from if you wanted to curry favor with Rod Blagojevich—the North Shore or Hyde Park. He despised people from either place.” Look where it got him.
IMMIGRANTS
North Shore: Mexican landscapers
Hyde Park: Indian grad students
SIGNS OF INFERIOR EDUCATION
North Shore: Any state school, especially if includes a direction. (The University of Michigan is OK, as long as it was your Ivy League fallback.)
Hyde Park: Any school but U of C or Harvard.
SPORT CHILDREN PLAY TO INCREASE CHANCE OF ELITE COLLEGE ADMISSION
North Shore: Lacrosse
Hyde Park: Chess
BEST USE OF A LAW DEGREE
North Shore: Joining Sidley & Austin, getting rich.
Hyde Park: Joining U of C Law faculty, writing Harvard Law Review article defending the right of Sidley & Austin clients to get rich.
BEST JOKE
North Shore: “How does a WASP propose marriage? ‘How would you like to be buried with my people?’”
Hyde Park: “‘How many U of C students does it take to change a light bulb?’ ‘Quiet! I’m trying to study in the dark!’”
SUMMER FOREIGN TRIP
North Shore: Israel, Thailand Hyde Park: Architectural dig in Uzbekistan, sponsored by Oriental Institute
ACADEMIC SERIOUSNESS PROVED BY ATHLETIC INEPTITUDE
North Shore: Northwestern finishing last in Big Ten
Hyde Park: U of C dropping out of Big Ten
WANNABE NEIGHBORING AREA
North Shore: Deerfield, Northbrook, Lake Bluff
Hyde Park: Once you see a Shark’s Fish & Chicken, you’ll know you’re there.
ULTIMATE STATUS SYMBOL
North Shore: Lakefront mansion
Hyde Park: Nobel Prize
UNACCEPTABLE SUITOR FOR YOUR DAUGHTER
North Shore: Guy with a Camaro
Hyde Park: Guy with a bachelor’s degree
BASEBALL TEAM
North Shore: Cubs
Hyde Park: White Sox
PLAN TO GET YOUR KID BETTER SAT SCORES
North Shore: Pay psychiatrist to diagnose him as learning disabled so he gets extended time.
Hyde Park: Museum Sundays
EMBARRASSING OBAMA FRIEND
North Shore: Tony Rezko
Hyde Park: Bill Ayers
EMBARRASSING RESIDENT(S)
North Shore: Mr. T
Hyde Park: Leopold and Loeb
EMBARRASSING POLITICIAN
North Shore: Donald Rumsfeld
Hyde Park: Carol Moseley Braun
CAR
North Shore: Protestants: Lexus, Mercedes Benz, Jaguar; Catholics: Any foreign car not from England; Jews: Any foreign car not from an Axis country.
Hyde Park: Volvo
RELIGION
North Shore: Episcopalian (see, Church of the Holy Comforter, Kenilworth)
Hyde Park: Unitarian (see, Meadville Lombard Theological School, South Woodlawn Avenue)
PECULIAR JEWISH TRADITION
North Shore: Black Tie Bar Mitzvah
Hyde Park: Latke vs. Hamentashen debate
SIGNATURE MOVIES
North Shore: Ordinary People, Risky Business
Hyde Park: Anything foreign
FORMER LOCAL CONGRESSMAN WHO SERVED AS OBAMA MENTOR
North Shore: Abner Mikva
Hyde Park: Abner Mikva
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