Ward Room
Covering Chicago's nine political influencers

Harry Potter and the Order of the Blagojevich

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Celebrity Chef Curtis Stone expresses RockSolid's concerns with the former governor's technical abilities. (Published Tuesday, Mar 30, 2010)

    He can’t type. He can’t text. He can’t surf the Internet. But on this Sunday’s Celebrity Apprentice, Rod Blagojevich will finally get a chance to employ his one proven ability: giving orders over the telephone. On behalf of children.

    Technology Trips Blago Again

    [CHI] Technology Trips Blago Again
    Rod Blagojevich becomes RockSolid's project manager but has difficulty using technology to stay in touch with his team. (Published Tuesday, Mar 30, 2010)

    This Sunday, Blagojevich will be elected project manager and be tasked to design a live-action Harry Potter castle to promote Universal Orlando’s “The Wizardry of Harry Potter.”

    “One of the biggest components of this challenge was, project managers were being separated from their teams, so the communication part was going to be very important,” Blago says in a preview clip. “You can communicate through text messaging, which is something I have no idea how to do, or you can communicate by telephone, which is something I do and some would say I do all too often.”

    Since Harry Potter is a kids’ book, expect Blago to mention at least once that he brought health care to every child in Illinois. In fact, he added 20,000 children to AllKids, the state’s child health-insurance plan (p.s., the director of that program resigned this week). Blagojevich worked on that legislation with state Sen. Barack Obama. How those politicians’ fortunes have diverged. Obama can only get network air time once a year, during his State of the Union address. Blago is getting two hours every week, and becoming a genuine TV star.

    “The guy is a reality TV goldmine,” Entertainment Weekly wrote. “Because reality TV is all about buffoonery, and Rod Blagojevich may just be the biggest buffoon in reality TV history.”

    Rod should have no problem directing his team from a remote location. For six years, he ran the state of Illinois from his living room. He can phone in phoning it in. If Mr. Trump’s private jet delivers him to his Ravenswood Manor house, he’ll thrash Tenacity, which is run this week by the formidable Sharon Osbourne. She got Ozzy off drugs, which is all you need to know about her management skills.

    And she recently called Blago "half-baked" on the Ellen Degeneres show, which is all you need to know about her respect for him.

    Still, Rod’s teammates are concerned that he’ll experience a failure to communicate.

    “Rod, bless his heart, he doesn’t necessarily know how to send an e-mail, has never taught himself how to use a computer,” says Curtis Stone. “Rod being a technical reject worries us.”

    The finished Harry Potter castle worries them, too. Bill Goldberg dresses up as a talking tree. Michael Johnson plays a sinister monk.

    “All of us are going to prison after this creepy castle ride,” Bret Michaels says.

    Well, one of them is.