There’s a lot more to being a good conservative than eating at Chick-fil-A. And there’s a lot more to being a good liberal than not eating there. Both liberalism and conservatism have a longer list of prohibited activities than the book of Leviticus. Here’s a list of products you should boycott if you’re serious about incorporating your political beliefs into your everyday life.
CONSERVATIVES
- Batman: The Dark Knight Rises -- stars Morgan Freeman, liberal Hollywood Obama supporter
- Microsoft -- Supports gay marriage
- Starbucks -- Also supports gay marriage
- Nike -- All those liberal Pacific Northwest corporations have cooties.
- CITGO -- Owned by Petroleos de Venezuela, which is controlled by Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez.
- Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream -- Liberal founder Ben Cohen called George W. Bush a liar and supported John Edwards for president.
- Progressive Auto Insurance -- Owner Peter B. Lewis matched donations to MoveOn.org, a 527 devoted to defeating George W. Bush.
- Sears -- Withdrew ads from Rush Limbaugh’s radio show after he called a woman a derogatory term meaning promiscious because she wanted to have birth control covered by insurance.
- Sex -- Unless explicitly for reproduction.
- Allstate Insurance -- Ditto.
- Cheerios, Trix, Lucky Charms, Wheaties, Cinnamon Toast Crunch -- Minneapolis-based cereal maker General Mills opposes Minnesota’s Marriage Protection Amendment, which would prohibit gay marriage.
- Home Depot -- Participated in the Philadelphia Pride Festival, “conducting Kid's Craft Workshops for children in the midst of lewd activities, including nudity and homosexual activities,” according to the American Family Institute.
- Office Depot -- Along with Lady Gaga, supports the Born This Way Foundation, which encourages tolerance of homosexuality.
- Archie Comics -- Introduced a gay character, Kevin Keller.
- Target -- Sells gay pride t-shirts.
LIBERALS
- Camay Soap, Gillette Body Wash, Ivory Soap & Body Wash, Old Spice -- Owned by Procter & Gamble, which tests products on animals, refuses to advertise on Air America Radio, donates money to Republicans, etc., etc.
- Crystal Sugar -- Locked union workers out of its North Dakota refinery a year ago, in a contract dispute.
- Brawny Paper Towels, Quilted Northern toilet paper, Sparkle, Vanity Fair and Zee napkins -- owned by the Koch Brothers, conservative billionaires who fund the Cato Institute, the Competitive Enterprise Institute, and contributed to the campaigns of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker.
- Chick-fil-A -- President Dan Cathy told a reporter he was “guilty as charged” of supporting gay marriage. It’s OK to kiss your same-sex partner at Chick-fil-A. Just don’t buy the Deluxe Chicken Sandwich.
- Walmart -- Refuses to give its employees health insurance or allow them to unionize, buys clothes from Bangladeshi sweat shops, is headquartered in the redneck Red state of Arkansas, so how can it share our values?
- Meat -- Used to belong to an animal, who didn’t give you its permission to eat it.
- Sex -- Reinforces patriarchal relationships.
- Guns -- Kill people.
- Pizza Hut -- Won’t provide workers’ comp insurance for employees in Texas. Won’t deliver to the hood.
- Urban Outfitters -- Chairman Richard Hayne is a generous donor to Republicans.
- A-1 Self-Storage -- Owner Terry Caster contributed $693,000 to the Protect Marriage Campaign, which helped pass California’s Proposition 8.
- Hyatt Hotels -- Chain owned by the Pritzker Family, donors to Barack Obama, has fired chambermaids and replaced them with minimum-wage temp workers.
- Target -- Donated $150,000 to Tom Emmer, Minnesota gubernatorial candidate who opposes gay marriage.
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