Ward Room
Covering Chicago's nine political influencers

Ali G, Chris Rock and Bill Hicks on Gun Control

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Friday morning, the Chicago City Council unanimously passed a new gun control ordinance to replace the ban declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. It’s still pretty strict: you can only buy one gun a month, you have to undergo five hours of training to qualify for a permit, and people guilty of violent crimes or DUIs won’t be allowed to own a gun.

    It was an awfully hasty action. The Supreme Court just handed down its decision on Monday. Maybe Mayor Daley should have taken more time, and gotten some guidance from comedians who’ve thought deeply about gun control, and recognized what a sham it is.

    Like Ali G. Sacha Baron Cohen’s character pointed out the ludicrousness of that law in a visit to the headquarters of the “National Rifle Organization.”

    “There’s a different proposal that would prohibit someone from purchasing more than one gun a month,” Ali said to an NRA spokeswoman. “If that law came into place or whatever, and it was Christmas, and you wanted to get your niece a gun or whatever, then your brother would be jealous if you ain’t got him one, as well.”

    “That’s a very good point,” the spokeswoman agrees.

    It certainly is. The new Chicago gun ordinance may be reasonable for people who write out their Christmas lists months in advance, but it looks like an infringement on the Constitutional rights of last-minute shoppers -- and really, isn’t that most of us?

    Chris Rock also had a practical idea for ending gun violence. Let people have as many guns as they want, but put a $5,000 tax on bullets.

    “I think all bullets should cost $5,000,” Rock said. “You know why? ‘Cause if a bullet cost $5,000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. Every time somebody got shot, you’d go ‘Dang, he musta did something. They put $50,000 worth of bullets in his ass. People would think before they kill somebody if a bullet cost $5,000: ‘Man, I would blow your f---in’ head off if I could afford it.”

    And then there was the late Bill Hicks. Hicks was popular in England, a country with strict gun laws. England, he noted, only had 14 gun murders a year, while the U.S. had 23,000.

    “But there’s no connection,” Hicks said. “You’d be a fool and a communist to suggest it. No connection at all between having a gun and shooting someone with it and not having a gun and not shooting someone. Some of you liberals think there’s a connection, don’t you?”

    Right on. Bill Hicks had Mayor Daley’s number, too.