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Weekend Watch List: Spike Lee! Horsies! Horse Detectives!

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Kim Kardashian chose an asymmetrical look for the 2009 Derby.

    Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and wait for the giant oil spill to come to your front door. Free oil! Cool! Let’s have dinner by torchlight and make sticky bombs, everyone! LET’S GO!

    WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? – 8:00PM Friday (NBC) This celebrity genealogy vanity series has a relatively interesting test subject this week: director Spike Lee, who travels to Texas and Georgia and finds he’s distantly related to WHITE people! No way! Watch as Spike convinces them to see “Girl 6” against their better judgment. ANTICIPATION: AND HE MAY BE RELATED TO REGGIE MILLER AS WELL! THE IRONY!

    KENTUCKY DERBY – 4:00PM Saturday (NBC) That 4PM start time is a bit of a misnomer, given that it takes a solid ninety minutes of watching horses led out of a barn for them to get to the actual race itself. You also get Tom Hammond’s face in HD, which is like looking into the eyes of Kuato from “Total Recall.” Your Derby favorite is Lookin For Lucky at 3.5/1 odds. A bit of a presumptuous name, if you ask me. Ditto Awesome Act, which is what Dan Cook’s handlers say to him after every show. And Stately Victor. All terribly arrogant. I only bet on horses based on names (who doesn’t?), and so this year I like Homeboykris (Warm it up, Kris! He’s about to! Warm it up, Kris! Cause that’s what he was born to do!), Dublin (bet he’s a drinker!), Devil May Care (he drinks expired milk!) and Ice Box (my father-in-law still calls fridges this!). We’ll see who comes out on top in front of thousands of drunk Kentuckians in funny hats. ANTICIPATION: THEY TALK ABOUT HORSES LIKE THEY’RE PEOPLE!

    WANDA SYKES SHOW – 11:30PM Saturday (FOX) Wanda hosts Mc Lyte. Man, I haven’t heard that name in ages. Will Lyte consider Wanda a Ruffneck? ANTICIPATION: I BELIEVE IN MC LYTE CAUSE I BELIEVE IN ME

    ACE VENTURA JR. PET DETECTIVE – 7:00PM Sunday (Cartoon Network) Note the “Jr.” That’s right. It’s a kiddie version of the Jim Carrey classic, which will surely lack all the adult subtlties of talking butts and tranny police chiefs. ANTICIPATION: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL RIGHTY THEN

    IRON CHEF AMERICA – 10:00PM Sunday (Food Network) It’s Geoffrey Zakarian (the little smug dude from “Chopped”) challenging the adorable Morimoto for bragging rights and some sort of nice toque. ANTICIPATION: GIT ‘EM MORIMOTOSAN!!!