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Wednesday Watch List: Twilight Twinight!

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and feel the abs of your Tyler Lautner poster. LET’S GO!

    JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE: TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART – 10:00PM (ABC) Such is the power of the Twilight saga among 14-year-old girls who dress only in black that an appearance by R-Pattz and company on Kimmel merits a switch to prime time. Oh yes, folks. The gang is all here. Robert is here to make you swoon. Kristen is here to grab her elbow and complain. And Tyler is here to extend his neck like some sort of bizarre were-giraffe. This will be the only time this gang gets together on one show to promote “Eclipse,” so you’d best tune in if you enjoy watching Kristen Stewart deny liking Rob and have no sense of humor about herself at all. ANTICIPATION: HIGH AND TWIGH!

    CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER’S URBAN CIRCUS – 10:00PM (TBS) In this circus, the only thing that needs taming is the SASS! Tonight, the popular comedian headlines his own variety show, which is likely not too far away from his old “Cedric The Entertainer Presents” show. I wouldn’t mind if this was just an hour of him making new Bud Light ads. Also, Jerry Seinfeld stops by to make old jokes and remind you why he owes his career to Larry David. ANTICIPATION: THE GREATEST RANDOM URBAN VARIETY SHOW ON EARTH!

    TOP CHEF – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Last week’s premiere gave us two favorites for this season. We’ve got Angelo, who is clearly a word I cannot say here, and thus I will simply call him a gooshgag. Anyway, this gooshgag’s main competition is Kenny, who is clearly talented but literally flexed his muscles after winning stages of the Quickfire challenge. I can’t bring myself to root for someone like that. And so we’re in a position where the faves this season aren’t terribly likable. Could it be Season 5 all over again? Let’s hope Ed and some others rise up.

    Tonight, the chefs have to cook a cheap and affordable lunch for schoolkids. And if you saw Jamie Oliver try and do the same thing with a bunch of West Virginia folks, you know just how splendidly fresh arugula goes over with children who have been bottle fed pureed chicken nuggets since 4 months old. ANTICIPATION: REJECTION!

    DRAKE: BETTER THAN GOOD ENOUGH – 10:00PM (MTV) In depth profile of someone your children have heard of but you have not. ANTICIPATION: THE ONLY DRAKE I LIKE MAKES SNACK CAKES!

    WORK OF ART – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Oh, man. Miles gets weirder every week. The gifted but troubled favorite on this show totally spoke out of turn last week, when he trashed Trong’s (lousy) work in front of the judges. YOU’RE OUTTA LINE, YOUNG MAN! And what was with the concrete sphincters? This show gets more intriguing by the hour. ANTICIPATION: FREAKS!