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Want to Read the Incredibly Uninformative "Man of Steel" Synopsis?

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Faster than a speeding bullet.

    More powerful than a locomotive.

    Able to deploy 130 words to say absolutely nothing.

    It's...the official "Man of Steel" plot synopsis!

    Wow, we understand the need to keep plot points under wraps in an effort to generate some mystery and excitement, but Warner Bros. calling this an "official plot synopsis" is like Ford introducing its Fall 2012 models by saying, "Hey, do you know what a car is? Good, we have more of those."

    Check out this masterclass in non-information: 

    "In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time. Clark Kent/Kal-El (Cavill) is a young twentysomething journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone's imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha (Lane) and Jonathan Kent (Costner), Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as "Superman," not only to shine as the world's last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves."

    In other words: It's a movie about Superman. Glad they could clear that up.

    He's from Krypton, you say? He has powers? He protects people? Good thing they didn't use this technique to drum up excitement for "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2" or else the tagline would have been, "You've seen the other seven movies, right? Good." 

    Coupling this Wikipedia entry with the lackluster first image of Cavill as Superman and the fact that director Zack Snyder...psst....isn't very good...and things are not looking rosy for the Man of Steel. And to anyone who answers, "But Christopher Nolan is producing!" I say, "Yeah. And Steven Spielberg produced 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon.' Your point is? " 

    The first trailer had better knock it out of the park or DC Comics might as well forfeit movie-making to Marvel for good.