Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and mourn the loss of “Lone Star” from your Monday programming schedule. It had so much going for it: Sex, Texans, Texans having sex… Oh, the shame of it all. LET’S GO!
THE EVENT – 9:00PM (NBC) After strong debut ratings, this show’s audience tailed off by 20% last week. So if you’d like more of Blair Underwood and “ER” crutches lady and conspiracy theories and stuff, you’d best tune in to the critical favorite. Because if the ratings drop again like that, bad things will happen. Ominous things. Cataclysmic events that could be part of a larger worldwide conspiracy we’ve only begun to understand. Find out more in NBC’s future spinoff show: “The Calamity: The Uneventing Of The Event”. I’m told it will star Tim Daly. ANTICIPATION: EVENTFUL!
HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) Ah, that was more like it. After a rotten season opener, “House” got back to doing what it does best: showing really sick people, faced with agonizing life and death choices, being berated by a scumbag doctor. It’s the kind of storyline that melts the heart of every health insurance CEO. ANTICIPATION: LESS HUDDY, MORE CANCER!
SCARE TACTICS – 9:00PM (SyFy – an NBC/Universal network) It’s the season premiere of SyFy’s answer to “Punk’d.” Tonight includes a prank involving mutilated livestock. And really, what good prank DOESN’T involve mutilated livestock. A toilet covered in Saran Wrap is amateur hour. A toilet housing a dead chicken? That, my friends, is inspired. ANTICIPATION: CHICKEN TOILET!
THE BURIED LIFE – 10:30PM (MTV) MTV’s series about d-bags trying to cross items off on their life’s to-do list arrives at the CMT Awards, where loser Duncan hopes to run into Taylor Swift (“The girl of his dreams”) so he can ask her out. Really? Taylor Swift? Isn’t she 15 or something? I guess someone thought violating statutory assault laws was a good thing to have on his to-do list. Arrest this man. ANTICIPATION: GIRL CAN’T SING, BRAH!
HOARDERS – 10:00PM (A&E) A newlywed hoarder can’t get her husband into her apartment until she cleans the joint out. Dude, why didn’t you just agree with her to move into YOUR place? ANTICIPATION: HOARDY!