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Monday Watch List: SKATE WITH THE DEVIL!

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Monday Watch List: SKATE WITH THE DEVIL!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and make turkey-shaped foodstuffs. Turkey cookies. Turkey sandwich cutouts. Turkey veal filet. Everything is better when turkey-shaped. LET’S GO!

SKATING WITH THE STARS – 9:00PM (ABC) ABC’s latest reality competition is a knockoff of their own “Dancing with the Stars,” and is in fact a knockoff that Fox already attempted with “Skating with Celebrities” in 2006. Surely, you remember that show. With Dave Coulier! And Bruce Jenner! And Mark Lund, whoever that is! Anyway, ABC is assuming enough time has passed since that abomination to give it one more double axel, so your first season cast includes the likes of Sean Young (rent “No Way Out” immediately), Bethenny Frankel (but her life is so krayzee! It can’t get KRAYZEEEEER!!!), and Vince Neil of Motley Crue. Oh, yes. Old Vince is back on the reality wagon. I expect a touching ice dance set to “Home Sweet Home,” or I want my money back. ANTICIPATION: DR. SKATEGOOD!

LENNONYC – 9:00PM (PBS) PBS continues their little Lennon festival with this expansive two-hour documentary about Lennon’s life after moving to New York in 1971. The special includes rare footage and assorted studio outtakes, plus interviews with several notable people. Oh, and Yoko Ono. She shows up for some reason. You know you’ve led a notable life when documentaries and biographies cover only certain eras of your existence. I imagine very few movies will be made about my own “Swiss Cake Roll Years” of 1987-1991. ANTICIPATION: HE LOVES YOU YEAH YEAH YEAH!

CHELSEA’S BIG INTERVIEW SPECIAL – 10:00PM (E!) E!’s drunken answer to Baba Wawa gets her own special, complete with soft-focus interviews of Gwyneth Paltrow (stop the Paltrow express!), Anne Hathaway, and Christina Aguilera. What, no Taylor Swift? Surely, she was available to dazzle you with her poise. ANTICIPATION: CHELSEA OF TEARS!

HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) A man falls ill after reenacting the Crucifixion. And now you know this show is thinking up plot points strictly to make the five-minute opening as incongruous to the show as humanly possible. They did this last week with the slave ship thing, when my wife walked by the TV and saw it and was like, “What are you watching?!” And I told her “House,” and she was like, “Really?!” I think their writers live for that. ANTICIPATION: HOLY!

FABULOUS CAKES – 10:00PM (TLC) The second season of a show about people making very large and elaborate cakes. I’d really prefer my cake to just look like cake. I don’t need it to look like “Moulin Rouge!” Seems foolish. ANTICIPATION: CAKEY!

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