Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home this weekend and find yourself pilloried by the British media for letting a seemingly easy shot slip right past your fingers and into the goal. You’ll never live that moment down! You’ll be pelted with spotted dick anywhere you go in England, laddie! LET’S GO!
THE HARD TIMES OF RJ BERGER – 10:00PM (MTV) It’s a big night of premieres over at MTV tonight, starting with this new sitcom about a horny kid in high school. That is to say, it’s about a kid in high school. You can watch the pilot episode right here and now if you like. The series is chock full of timely jokes about Facebook and “Twilight.” You know, for you hip kids out there. For some reason, MTV fails when it comes to dramatic series. They can get tons of press for “Jersey Shore” and other “reality” shows, but when they create a show with actual writing and actors, that’s where it gets a bit dicey for them. RJ Berger is another attempt from them to break the slump. Will it succeed? Well, it does have cleavage. ANTICIPATION: AROUSED!
WARREN THE APE – 10:30PM (MTV) Another MTV premiere, this one about a foul-mouthed ape puppet who, according to the MTV website, is “new, crude, and full of furry attitude.” It’s like he was test marketed by the people who own Hi-C. Anyway, Warren the Ape is a fallen Hollywood star, and in a meta-twist, the show is about how MTV proposes helping Warren stage a big comeback. Also, Dr. Drew is on hand. Because the man takes helping people so seriously, he happily comes on THIS show to mock those with addiction. Your true colors are showing, sir! ANTICIPATION: LIKE TRIUMPH THE DOG!
THE BACHELORETTE – 8:00PM (ABC) The men get makeovers in a bid to impress Ali. I enjoy watching people get makeovers, because I know darn well they’ll revert back to their old look roughly two weeks later. Fancy hair requires upkeep, you know. ANTICIPATION: NEW HAIR!
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY – 10:00PM (Bravo – An NBC/Universal network) Tonight, the gals have a poker night, a weekly tradition they’ve had ever since producers told them to do it. ANTICIPATION: I THINK I HAVE A FRUSH!
DIRTY JOBS SPECIAL – 9:00PM (Discovery) Mike looks back on his work and offers you six lessons he’s learned while cleaning out otter traps and treating human sewage. I can guess them right now. 1) Wear shoes you don’t care about. 2) Wash your hands before eating lunch. 3) Them fancypants New Yorkers couldn’t do REAL work like this! 4) The most annoying part of the job is always the part you think will be relatively easy and turns out to be the exact opposite, like extracting yourself from the crude oil tanker. 5) Pumice soap will clean the hair out of those fingernails! And 6) Don’t chew gum on the job. ANTICIPATION: DIRTY!