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Monday Watch List: House! Lobster! Old Things!

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and try and ward off those horrible, horrible allergy symptoms. It’s spring, and you can’t even go outside, lest your eyes blow up like floaties. Why must God make flowers so pretty and yet so cruel? LET’S GO!

    HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX )

    Tonight: LOCKDOWN! That’s right. The whole hospital goes on lockdown after a baby is abducted from the nursery. And when you have a bunch of hot and grumpy doctors trapped inside a building, that can only mean one thing: HOOKUPS! A dazzling array of hookups, each one more shocking than the last! House and Cuddy! Cuddy and Wilson! Wilson and Thirteen! Thirteen and Cuddy! And Chase! With Foreman watching from the MRI monitors! Mark my words, people. Lockdown are for love. ANTICIPATION: SEX IN CLOSETS

    ANTIQUES ROADSHOW – 8:00PM (PBS)

    I’d like to go on this show and ask the appraiser to appraise an item of mine that is A) clearly new, and B) obvious in its value. Like a new Blu Ray player. I’d like to bring that on and see if the appraiser can even identify objects that are new and functional, as opposed to old and useless. “Well this, seems to be early 21st century. Not hand crafted. Wait, this is some sort of movie player, isn’t it? Why are you holding a receipt?” ANTICIPATION: LIKE WATCHING A YARD SALE.

    DANCING WITH THE STARS – 8:00PM (ABC)

    I do believe this is the week Kate Gosselin will go down. And if that’s the case, ABC should watch out, because that is one angry lady. ANTICIPATION: DANCE FIGHTING!

    ANTHONY BOURDAIN: NO RESERVATIONS – 10:00PM (Travel Channel)

    Tony goes to Maine tonight. I went to school in Maine for four years, freindo. It’s lobster and rednecks. Don’t go inland. ANTICIPATION: BIZARRE ACCENTS!

    TOUGH LOVE COUPLES – 9:00PM (VH1)

    It’s the series premiere of a new show in which couples in crisis seek counseling. It’s just like “The Marriage Ref,” only the argument isn’t over who hogs the sheets, but rather why Daddy slept with cousin Jane. Hilarious! ANTICIPATION: DYSFUNCTION!