Bears fans, we have met our next leader. She is a child named Lauren, and she managed to overcome her parents questionable decision of being Packers fans to cheer on the pride and joy of Illinois. Alas, Lauren felt the downside of being a Bears fan last week.
Oh, Lauren. Chicagoland feels your pain. Though your father taunted you, we welcome you with open arms. We'll give you navy and orange to wear and teach you the words of "Bear Down, Chicago Bears." We'll introduce you to Staley the Bear, and tell you about an angel named Walter. Then, when the Bears win the Super Bowl, you can rub it in your father's face.
Because it doesn't matter if they win the Super Bowl on Sunday, Lauren. You are 100 percent right. The Packers ARE horrendous.