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The Worst Lawn in the League

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Jay Cutler hates Soldier Field.  Watch as he winds up and whips this at you.

    "We probably have one of the worst fields in the league at this point."

    Zing!

    Yes, Soldier Field frequently looks like Ke$ha after a night of heavy drinking.  Or Ke$ha before a night of heavy drinking.  World War I battlefields had more shallow trenches.  Clumps of grass and mud stick up like so many mole hills.

    It's a disaster.  And that's why we shouldn't change a thing.

    The Patriots are coming to town Sunday and we need a definite home field advantage.  While the turf will slow the teams equally, the Bears know their way around it.  They know how long to set their cleats.  They know to call plays that don't require dead sprints.  The defense knows to take smaller steps so they don't wipe out on mud slicks.

    Ideally, we'd be able to install land mines and pits filled with quicksand.  This game, we'll need all the advantages we can get.  So Danny Woodhead gets swallowed up by the miniature cranberry bog between the 40 and 45 yard lines.  That's the price you pay when you come to Chicago

    Remember, this is a city that can't fill potholes, let alone keep a lawn manicured.  And in the end, shouldn't we be happy that the worst thing Cutler has to complain about is the turf?  Twenty-five other NFL teams have a laundry list of complaints.  So if the Bears are upset about the field, it must mean everything else is fine and dandy.

    Something tells me we'll have more complaints come Monday.