Man, I was just cleaning out my locker and I wanted to stop in and say hi, since we're such close buds and all. Yeah, yeah, I know it's not like the bro-mance you've got going with Jay, but we're still tight, right Coach?
Are you still bummed about Sunday? Damn, Coach, you don't have to give me a look like that. I'm bummed about it, too. Can I sit? Oh, that's Jay's chair? Alright, I'll take this one. I mean, I played my heart out on Sunday, Coach. 160 total yards. 134 against Seattle. I had a pretty good playoffs, Coach, and I'm just sad that they're over, y'know?
But let's talk about next season, Coach. Next. Season. You gonna unleash the Forte next season, Coach? I'm working on that phrase. Maybe I'll sell t-shirts. "UNLEASH THE FORTE!" like the Kraken! Did you see that movie, Coach? Yeah, the original with Harry Hamlin was pretty good ...
Here's the thing, Coach. I had 1,069 rushing yards this season, which put me in the Bears Top 25 single season records. But that puts this season behind Rashaan Salaam's first season with the Bears. Rashaan Salaam! We gotta knock him out of the record book, Coach. His name doesn't belong in the same list as Walter Payton and Gale Sayers.
So here's the plan, Coach. Give me the ball next season, Coach. Let me knock Rashaan's name farther down the list. We can knockout Raymont Harris while we're at it. Let me have a big season in 2011 Coach, and we'll restore honor to the Bears single-season rushing list. What do you think?
You want to mull it over? I understand. But hey, maybe now, since it's the off-season and we have a little spare time, maybe we can go get that steak now?