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10 Ways You Can Help Defeat Michael Vick

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Sports Illustrated

    It looks like this Sunday could be a make-or-break game for the Bears. The national media are reluctant to include the Bears among the league's elite because, let's face it, the schedule has been soft.  But if we bump off the Eagles, people will pay attention.  The problem is Michael Vick.

    Right now, the guy is playing out of his mind.  The Bears will need all the help they can get to shut him down.  That's where you come in.

    Yes, you.

    It's time to deploy psychological warfare.  I invite you and your friends to hit the stands at Soldier Field and do whatever you can to distract Michael Vick.  Here are some ideas to get you started...

    * Start singing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" before every Eagles snap.  (The song is annoying on its own, never mind the Vick connection.)

    * Show up wearing Eagles jerseys.  He may become confused and throw it to you.

    * Hold up a sign saying, "Your middle name is Dwayne."  His middle name really is Dwayne.  I bet he wants to keep that under wraps.  Seeing it in the open could embarrass him into running into the locker room.

    * Vuvuzelas.

    * Wear sombreros in honor of his "Ron Mexico" pseudonym.

    * Deploy all your Thanksgiving wishbones and wish for Vick to have a Joe Theisman moment.

    * Shout limmericks.  Shouldn't be hard to rhyme something with "Vick."

    * Run from the stands and pull down Andy Reid's pants.  You and everyone in Soldier Field will be permanently blinded, but it will be worth it.

    * Hold up copies of "Madden 2004."  Vick may be fast, but he can't outrun the Madden Curse.

    * If all else fails, whip D-cell batteries at his face.

    It's time to man-up, Chicago.  It's called "home field advantage" for a reason.  If Vick doesn't leave Soldier Field weeping like John Boehner, we have only ourselves to blame.