Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Your Friday Blogasm

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    NEWSLETTERS

    This looks cool but probably tastes awful.  Half-charred and half-uncooked toast.  They're not kidding about the Dark Side.

    * Merriam-Webster just added 100 new words. Sadly, "blogasm" was not among them.  \ˈblȯ-ˌga-zəm ˈblä-ˌga-zəm\  Function: noun.  Definition: Intense or paroxysmal excitement over reading each incredible entry in the NBC Breakfast Blog.

    * TimeOut Chicago profiles the lovely and talented Ginger Zee.  I'm dumbfounded as to why anyone would send hate mail to one of the nicest people I've ever met.  Especially about the wardrobe.  GZ knows how to dress, y'all.  (Previously... "GINGER ZEE IS HOT AND SMART!!!!!")

    * Theory: If you get men drunk enough, they will willingly shop for clothes.

    Here's how Brüno riled up a crowd of rednecks.  I am totally seeing this flick.  It looks to be the best thing to come from our parent company since... I dunno... "The Cosby Show"?

    * On Friday, I posted the video of the creepy rollerskating baby commercial.  Yesterday, it found its way into our afternoon newscasts.  Stay tuned to see if items posted today will show up on the air next Thursday.

    * Furry update: Remember the creepy Anthrocon I wrote about where people dress up in animal costumes and have furry sex?  They've got a convention here in Illinois in November.  Remind me to vacate the state in late November.

    * French tourists are the worst.  Except for those Middle Eastern "tourists" with the suicide bombs strapped to their chests.

    * 35% of people believe men wearing Speedos are awful on the beach.  The other 65% were too busy smoking their crack pipes to respond appropriately.

    * If you wanna get pregnant, get it on with an ugly dude - he has a bigger "sperm load."  (Warning: article contains multiple uses of the creepy term "sperm load.")

    * Speaking of "sperm loads" (sorry, I'll stop that), the speed of a man's... issue... depends on how hot a chick is.  For someone like Rosie O'Donnell, it would come out like old gravy from a bone-dry faucet.

    * In the future, computers will be able to predict your intent.  So my computer will be able to dodge when I go to kick the hell out of it?

    * I went to Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba last night.  That place is pricey but the food is outstanding.  Everything is good, but the bacon-wrapped dates are to die for.  Trust me on this one.

    * If you are a morning person, your strength remains constant throughout the day.  But if you are a night owl, you Hulk out when the sun goes down.  Explains why in the morning, I can barely lift my head off the pillow.

    Soccer Fan: "Hey!  You're lousy!"
    Soccer Player: (Bang!)
    Soccer Fan: (Dies)

    * Brace yourself for the sequel to "12 Angry Men" - "11 Neutral Men and One Lunatic Witch Threatening to Cut Off Another Juror's Finger."

    * America to Science: "Meh."

    * Our parent company decided that the SciFi Channel was too aptly named, so they're renaming it SyFy.  SyFy.  (As in, "Don't you think the worst possible name for a channel is SyFy?")  How long before they rename us EnBeeSee?

    * 20 Business lessons learned from Monty Python.  (#1 - The Larch.)

    * I leave you with tthe best video of the day - Elderly Russian women singing a Britney Spears ditty...