Ben’s Breakfast Blog

You May (Finally) Kiss the Bride

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    NEWSLETTERS

    * This has been making the rounds lately.  It's a literal narration of what's going on during the video for "Total Eclipse of the Heart."  Man, the 1980s produced some super-weird videos.

    * Detroit vs. Chicago (from a guy who should know, although his choice of pizza is atrocious)

    History majors have the most sex.  You know that old porno stereotype - the history major who shows up at the girl's door to talk about the Bronze Age and get naked.

    * Holy ego, Batman!  This site is fantastic.  It's a round-up of all the most self-important tweets on Twitter.  (Yes, recently discovered MegaDouche Arthur Kade is featured prominently.  "Girl at the gym was checking me out, I could tell she wanted me. A Philly 8, but she had sweaty arm pits. I don't date girls that sweat. ")

    * If you stand up on a double-decker bus as it goes under a freeway overpass, you will die.  Deservedly.  Because you and your friend are morons.

    * Now that Jay has stopped murdering comedy (for a bit), Conan takes the "Tonight Show" chair.  And the tangential question is, what does this mean for Dave?  I've always preferred Letterman over all the other late night hosts.  I even attended two tapings of "The Late Show."  The first time, I flew solo and sat in the balcony.  The second time, I brought a friend and sat in the second row, right on the aisle... which bring me to a television truism: If you want to get on the air, stand/sit next to a pretty girl.

    * We've got another one of those goofy couples waiting until marriage before their first kiss.  Why is this suddenly a phenomenon?  Every month we've got another one of these couples.  You cannot get pregnant from kissing, no matter how many girls tell me that.

    * Despite 40 years of feminism, women are less happy now.  I have a simple solution, ladies.  Make me a sandwich.

    * Geeks are the most generous lovers in bed.  Probably because they expect every time will be their last.

    Men and women who feel pressure to be attractive are more afraid of rejection.  While the homely weirdos who don't care how they look are pretty much resigned to it.

    * For those of you looking for a Snuggie for the beach...

    Finally, a web site to complain about our awful, awful commutes.  That, friends, is why I live a mile away from the station.  If I had to drive in Chicago traffic every day, I would totally use that gun I keep in my glove compartment.

    * Old and busted: Cutting off your nose to spite your face.
    New hotness: Cutting off your penis to spite your family.

    * When you see a link that says "Healthier Pizzas," you may be tempted to click it.  And then you will see and hear terrors that will cause your stomach to tie itself in knots.  And you will order a legit pizza just to get the image of that disgusting anti-pizza out of your mind forever.

    * Your university may be giving you that free iPhone so it can track your every move.  In the old days, they just followed the string attached to your complimentary tin can.

    About that newspaper ad advocating the assassination of President Obama...

    * Silly Disney.  Did you really think you could make an animated movie about black people without starting controversy?  That's why most of Hollywood just leaves the black movies to Tyler Perry.

    Reason #890 Not to Cross Saudi Arabia: They will cut off your head, then sew it back on and prop you up so everyone can see your body.

    * Mayim Bialik, the desperately homely woman who played "Blossom" is all grown up and still dressing like a brokedown bag lady.  She's the target of the first episode of "What Not to Wear" this season.  Unless they're giving her a bag to wear over her face, I don't know how a new wardrobe is going to help.

    (Meanwhile, her friend Six is blisteringly hot.)