The Blog of War

* All hail entrepreneurs who involve bikinis in their business plans.

* While we're on a bikini theme, here's a totally gratuitous slideshow of women in American flag bikinis.

* Brooke Shields says Michael Jackson was "asexual."  This is news.

* It doesn't take a lot of looking at your local library before you find some books that probably have no place on the shelf.  And that's why there's the Awful Library Books blog.  (I'm lookin' at you, "Dee Snider's Teenage Survival Guide.")

* Maybe I'm talkin' crazy, but don't you think Steve McNair was asking for trouble by ducking out on his marriage to hook up with a girl 16 years his junior?  Some e-mailer to the station asked why McNair was getting posthumous praise while we keep slamming Mark Sanford for his affair.  The answer is simple: Steve McNair threw a football very well.  And if you can throw a ball, America will let you get away with just about anything.

* Would you be willing to work overnights on British TV?  You'll make $355/day.  All you have to do is be half-naked and talk dirty to people calling you on the phone.

* The University of Chicago now offers co-ed dorm rooms.  I think I saw this movie.  Didn't it star Scott Baio?

* You know what we need in a game show?  Religious conversions.

* For anyone who's ever MacGuyvered something that broke, there's this amusing blog: There, I Fixed It.com

Nearly 2/3 of women age 45-60 love raunchy sex scenes in the novels they read.  In other news, that's my mother's age bracket.  And I just threw up in my mouth.

* Things to saw: Wood.
Things not to saw: Your penis.

* If I worked for the Japanese train company that uses computers to make sure their employees are smiling at all times, I would blow my head off with a shotgun.  At work.  Preferably while the software was scanning my face.

Great sex has nothing to do with an orgasm, says the Institute for Inadequacy.

* Former Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara died yesterday.  Fascinating guy.  If you haven't seen it, I totally recommend the Oscar-winning documentary "The Fog of War."  Watching that in the light of Iraq will sober you up in a hurry.

Self-help programs are worthless.  You are beyond help.

* Husbands who help with housework are more likely to get sex.  Or they could not help with housework, be NFL players and get mistresses.  But then they end up shot, so it's kind of a catch 22.

Costa Rica is the happiest place in the world.  The U.S. ranks 114th.  You know what?  Let's invade Costa Rica.  That should wipe the smiles off their faces.

* Dinosaurs were enormous because they were essentially couch potatoes.  Which is also why yo momma so fat.

* From the Why I Will Die Alone File™: "I know of great guys out there -- journalists, teachers, non-profit dudes -- who will probably make great dads. But I personally wouldn't pair up with them because, realistically, our two salaries together just wouldn't be enough to cut it for what I want out of life." (Source.)

"I'm bored.  What do you wanna do?"
"I dunno.  Call Grandma 45 times and threaten to kill her?"
"Okay."

* This is why the Taste of Chicago is family friendly.  (Did this break out after someone contracted the Rage Virus after eating an undercooked turkey leg like I did?)

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