Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Somewhere, Moneypenny Salivates

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* A good friend who knows I love awful movies sent me a DVD in the mail yesterday.  It is a movie called "The Room."  Let's look at these two clips and see if we can guess how much I'm going to enjoy this...

Wow.  Greatest gift ever?

* If you are stupid, Great Britain might take away your children.  (Like this moron, for example.)  Is low IQ grounds for removing children from the home? 

This would never fly in America, where we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of ruining our children's lives.  There's an entire blog dedicated to the idiot parents of the world.  (Danger: F-word in the URL for that.) 

Then we have the parents who should have their children removed just for the trainwreck names they saddle their children with.  The worst baby name I've seen is "Million'z A'Dolla'z."  Bad baby names are also ripe for blogging.  Yes, ripe for blogging.

As it happens, a godawful name may not condemn you to a world of aerosol cheese and Jerry Springer appearances.

Finally, you can suck on James Bond.  (Popsicles courtesy of Del Monte "Q" Division.)

The Senate is ignoring Roland Burris.  As they should.  Because the man is a fraud.  Here's a quick test to see if Roland Burris is lying: Are his lips moving?

* I did not catch Patti Blagojevich on "I'm a Celebrity, Unwieldy Reality Show Title Continues" last night, but I saw some clips and it looked incredibly awful.  Our network (which, remember, is all about profit and not about ratings) is running this garbage four nights a week.  My brain hurts just thinking about it.  Anyway, the AP called the premiere a "seemingly endless two hours."  That's a compliment, right?

The media are already calling Susan Boyle a "cautionary tale."  At this rate, her "Behind the Music" is going to last all of five minutes.  I foresee a comeback on VH1's "Boyle of Love."

* Gambler loses $2 million.  Gambler threatens to sue casino, blaming bad feng shui for his losses.  Casino responds by... promising him $10,000 cash and $10,000 in chips.  I don't know where to begin with that story.  The old standby Kenny Rogers punchline does not apply.

* I did not know Dixie Carter on "Designing Women."  I knew her as Sam's mom on the later episodes of "Diff'rent Strokes."  And now, I know her as the star of the least effective/creepiest exercise video of all time.

Bill Murray once headbutted goofy-named hack director McG.  Is it possible?  Could I love Bill Murray even more?  Yes.  Yes, it is possible.

* 22-year-old girl auctioning off her virginity will have to drop to a lower bidder after the winner backed out to work on his marriage.  There are only two stories involving young women these days.  Either they're not kissing until they're married (see yesterday), or they're tossing their virginity on eBay.  Why the extremes, ladies?

* "Lawsuits against bloggers in the United States have been doubling every year since 2004 with $15 million in judgments so far against them." Um.  I take back everything I ever wrote.

* When I discovered clowns were going to be on this morning's show, I ran like hell to escape the newsroom as quickly as possible.  Somehow, this makes me feel much, much better.

Photo by Marshall Gorby/Springfield News-Sun

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