Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Remember The Time... You Caught on Fire

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* Hey, how about that video of Michael Jackon on fire, huh?

* Well, I just retrieved my car from the impound lot.  Did you know you can't park within 15' of a fire hydrant?  I wager I was 10' away.  And after parking in my neighborhood, I found a car parked within 5' of practically every hydrant.  There's even a car parked in the same place where I got towed.  But Chicago is desperate for the money, so I understand their asshattery.  Alderman Vi Daley refuses to hear my pleas for more parking.  But that is because she traded her soul for a shriveled wish-granting monkey paw.  I'm guessing.  Why else would an alderman ignore her constituent?

* Attention fans of Mystery Science Theater: Thursday, August 20 is going to be a great day.  Are you not familiar with RiffTrax?  For shame!  It's only one of the five best things ever.

* Gotta love it when you tell a cop you're drunk and he tells you to drive somewhere else, then busts you for drunk driving.  The more I deal with police, the more I think they are only as smart as the average grocery bagger.  (No offense to grocery baggers.)

* You have to be pretty messed up to throw a live kitten in an oven.  That's beyond wrong.

* A new military robot may fuel itself with dead human bodies.  Great idea.  But what happens when there are no bodies and it gets hungry?

* How to want less stuff.

* When you pick up Christian fiction, you might expect a lot of things, but vampires ain't one of 'em.

* "I'm not just into being a devil. I enjoy other activities such as medieval archery.  I also like motorcycling, but I've had to have grooves cut into my crash helmet to fit over my horns."

Butchers have more sex than you.  Ladies love a good hunk of meat.

* One good way to stop people from smoking?  Raise the cost of a pack to $23,148,855,308,184,500.  Problem solved.

* I'm not saying it's a slow news cycle or anything, but CNN has a rather lengthy article about how much people are using the word "absolutely."

* Today I arrived to work only to find that my updated Internet Explorer had been somehow dumbed down to Ye Olde Internet Explorer.  This meant no tabbed browsing, which slowed my pace by at least 50%.  Really, if we're going to make work as inefficient as possible, I hope we're going to get a dial-up connection and Netscape Navigator 1.0 soon.

* Are you poor?  Here's a free cell phone.  Wait.  What?

* How to spot a scam job opening.  I'm guessing if the HR manager is a Nigerian prince, that's a dead giveaway.

* Last night's Whiskey Rebellion show was a treat.  The team is losing two amazing players, but the shows must go on.  The people in this picture are some of the finest people on Earth.  Amazing performers and true friends. 

Los Angeles, brace yourselves for Jason Piazza and Nick Ehart.  You won't know what hit you.

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