* Have you seen the new images from Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland"? (That's Johnny Depp, BTW) It should be called Tim Burton's "Nightmare Factory." Eeesh.
* You know, I've spent the last 15 years of my life wondering how I can turn scars into jewelry. And today, my ship has come in.
* Why do women date jerks? Because the rest of us need plenty of things to complain about.
* Blow your mind with these Soviet-era Russian album covers. ("In Mother Russia, album covers YOU.)
* Nobody wants to look at dirty underwear, especially when it's hanging inches away from your hotel balcony.
* Scientists find the most lifeless place under the sea. Its land-based equivalent would be my bedroom.
* Jon & Kate are separating. They cited irreconcilable hairdos.
* Here's your list of pros and cons to becoming a Hooter girl. Pro: Men love you. Con: ... with their grabby, grabby hands.
* I must be more exhausted than I give myself credit for. I've fallen asleep six times (no exaggeration) over the course of writing just this. Patience, readers. I'll get 'er up to speed...