Ben’s Breakfast Blog

"Nothin' but the rain."

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* Apparently you can comment if you click on the blog entry title and scroll all the way to the bottom.  Super-convenient, I know.

* This morning's bright spot was the story about Charlotte's Karaoke Cab.  Awful singing, but lots of fun.  Kudos to the reporter and photographer for an awesome story.

* Ladies, here's what your husband isn't telling you.  Strangely not included in the list: "You were hotter ten years ago."

* Reading about a shirtless man attacking a parking meter with a cinder block makes me proud to be a Chicagoan.  Rage on, Shirtless Vigilante!

* Allow me to present this year's coolest opening paragraph of a story...

"Warring bikers brawled through Australia's largest airport Sunday, beating one suspected gang member to death and brandishing metal poles 'like swords' as they rampaged through the main domestic terminal in front of terrified travelers."  (more)

* When a woman gets a gift, she appreciates it.  When a man gets a gift, he sees it as an obligation to reciprocate.  I'm not sure about that first part.  My lady love did not appreciate last Christmas when I gave her my D in a box.  (You were supposed to reciprocate on that one, babe.)

I'm just lying.  My D is too big to fit in a box.

I'm lying again.  It fits.  With room to spare.

And my lady love seemed pretty ticked I violated the restraining order.  But I think if I jump out of the right darkened alley at the right time, she'll come to appreciate me for who I really am... a man with his D in a box.

* When a community loses its newspaper, voter turnout drops, fewer people run for office and incumbents stay in office.  So they just turn into Chicago?

Seriously, that article says most people don't care if they lose their newspaper because they get their news from TV and the internet.  Hey, geniuses.  Guess where we get our news?  I'd say 90% of our stories come from newspapers (or their websites) or the Associated Press (which is essentially a network of newspaper writers around the globe).  Yes, we can survive if newspapers die out, but we're going to have to learn how to do more reporting and less regurgitating.  A morning news show basically reads the paper to you.  With no paper, the anchors would just stare blankly into the cameras and smile.  But maybe that would get better ratings.  Hell, I don't know.

* Welcome to the New Economy™, where former white collar workers' only employment option is the stripper pole.  (Choice quote: "Once you decide to be an adult actress, it impacts your relationship with everyone.")  But what about the boys?  Who will pay to see my bait and tackle?

* In Germany, prostitution is down 20% because of the recession.  I am willing to be a one-man stimulus package, so long as they stimulate me in return.

* Seems like everyone is flipping out over the Sugar vs. High-Fructose Corn Syrup debate.  Here's how I decide: Does it taste good?  Yes?  Put it in my mouth.

* 27% of Americans don't get enough sleep.  This article gives some tips to get back on track.  #1 - Quit your overnight news job, moron.

* I'm not saying it's a slow news cycle or anything, but ABC News is investigating the concept of waterless urinals.

What's the best way to dump somebody?  Most women I know just throw things at me until A) I go away, or B) I am knocked unconscious.

* Who wants a new car that sells for $1,250?  When you park in Chicago, you pay for your spot by shoving the entire car in the meter.

* Time Magazine informs us that all young women are single and pregnant.  All of them.  This is Kevin Federline's doing.

Is handwriting dying?  I hope so.  Handwriting is lame.  That's right, handwriting.  I'm calling you out.

* Because of the sucky economy, employers are pulling out the stops to reduce employee stress.  Except at NBC, where each morning, two employees are forced to fight to the death.  The winner keeps his job and his life.  The loser is ground into bits and used to fill potholes in the parking lot.

* I'm gonna to to hell for this, but isn't it kind of convenient that plane in Montana crashed into a cemetery?

Research: You cannot predict how much you'll like something you've never experienced, but a total stranger can.  This is why you must heed my advice below...

* I recognize what I'm about to write will forever label me an irredeemable nerd, but it must be expressed.  I am grieving the end of "Battlestar Galactica."

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking of the uber-cheese involving a robotic dog and Lorne Greene.  It ain't that show.  I'm talking about the brave reboot mounted by the SciFi Channel.  For four seasons, we've been treated to a gut-wrenching roller coaster.  Here's a show that had the balls to tackle the pain of September 11 and turn it into art.  It questioned the merits of suicide bombing.  It wrestled with abortion, for God's sake.  The heavy subject matter demanded (and received) superb acting, intelligent scripts and fine direction.

Despite the darkness, this show was fun.  There were robots and fight scenes and special effects and romantic flings.  There were spaceships doing things you've never seen spaceships do.  There were bad guys becoming good guys and good guys becoming bad guys.  And there were immensely flawed characters I came to love.

The more I think about the show's finale, the more I think it was perfect.  It gave well-earned closure to the show.  The characters earned their final rewards or punishments.  It was beautiful and it was sad.  The music carried the emotional tide to its final resolution.  And it all felt right.

Even if you are not a fan of science fiction, I believe you will love this show if you care about a great story.  You will gasp, you will laugh, you will cheer and you may even cry.  "Battlestar Galactica" was television at its finest.  I miss it.  And I wonder if I will ever feel so strongly about a television show again.

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