* The #1 dream destination in the world is... Canada. Yes, Canada, America's slower, less adventuresome cousin. Come, see their extraneous "u's" in words you can spell just as easily without them.
* The Trib's Michael Phillips asks what movies make you cry. I remember the first movie to make me well up - "E.T." Saw it in the theater as a kid. Music is always huge in getting the waterworks flowing. To this day, I can't hear John Williams' music for the end of that flick without getting a lump in my throat.
* San Diego is trying to shut down in-home Bible studies. Because... uh... hold on, I'm sure they have a good reason...
* 13-year-old Kavya Shivashankar wins the National Spelling Bee... by spelling her own last name.
* Alderman Ike Carothers is indicted on corruption charges, just like his old man. Carothers' infant son was last seen telling a local bar owner to keep his mouth shut if he knows what's good for him.
* Jay Leno mercifully abdicates "The Tonight Show" desk tonight. I never liked Leno. I like my comedians to be funny. Turns out the median age of his viewers is 54. 54! So if I'm stuck watching him, there must be a 76-year-old somewhere on the other side of the country watching, too. That's depressing. Why is Grandpa up so late?
* Former President George W Bush says he misses flying on Air Force One and White House food. Oh, and the ability to declare war on anybody at any time.
* Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken are having a catfight. My money's on the effeminate one with the over-the-top voice.
* The recession is hitting brothels pretty hard. Some are laying girls off. Can you imagine where they go for their next job?
"It says here your last job was 'whore.'"
"And how do you feel that applies to data entry?"
"Um... I am familiar with entry."
"Ooookay. And where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Hopefully, if the economy turns around, back whoring, I guess."
* 60% of women want as much (if not more) sex as their husbands. When asked how they'd feel if I were their husband, the number dropped to zero.
* "Pulling out" is almost as effective as condoms... maybe... sorta. In the same way that Nerf is as effective as bullets, I'm guessing.
* You can determine someone's personality by the way they hold their drink. I hold mine while cowering in a corner and avoiding eye contact.
* Music helps babies relax during circumcision. Except for that one doctor who blares "Enter Sandman" while he twirls his scalpel.
* 90% of women are happy with how they look. Most consider themselves more attractive than average. This study seems to suggest an alarming number of women don't own mirrors.
* Your children are all sex addicts. But you knew that, right?
* Here's how to make your lawn look like Wrigley Field. (Stick nine millionaires on it and have them underachieve?)
* And now, 6 underappreciated 90s Nickelodeon stars. Marc Summers conspicuously absent.
* Socially dominant women get more enjoyment out of being submissive in the bedroom. Kinda makes you look at Bill and Hillary in a new light, huh?
* Congratulations to 29-year-old Desmond Hatchett, who has fathered 21 children with 11 different women.