Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Gordon Jump is All Hands

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    NEWSLETTERS

    * SNL "Jeopardy" sketch + Hammond's Connery + Macdonald's Reynolds = pure joy.

    * The Tribune finally catches up to the 3 Wolf T-Shirt phenomenon, 13 days after I blogged about it.  But hey, some people like their news two weeks old.

    * Another previous blog touted the merits of AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.  Now the phenomenon has really taken off.  2 million hits a day??? Good grief.

    * Your parenting skills need work if you bite your child's eyes out.  This is the first time I've ever seen the quote, "My daddy ate my eyes."  I hope it's the last.

    * Boredom is not an acceptable excuse to run out on jury duty, but it should be.

    * As I blog, I'm half-watching the "American Idol" finale.  Adam Lambert is a total goofball.  Why the screaming and shrieking?  He's like a chipmunk impersonating a police siren.  And for those of you who find him original, I offer you this photo comparison.

    And how awful was that "inspirational" song both guys had to sing?  ("Climb a mountain, fight a hurricane, ride a manatee, whatever...") What a bleedin' mess.

     * "Ghostbusters 3" is headed our way, possibly with Alyssa Milano and Eliza Dushku joining the team.  This sounds potentially disastrous.

    * Yo momma so fat, she bought a BeltzBib for $13.95.  It's a combo bib/feed bag for use as you shove entire burgers down your gullet behind the wheel.  Unfortunately, they only come in one size, so the truly husky may need to buy two to cover their paunches.

    Bowl of cereal > sports drink.  I'm gonna hand out bowls of Count Chocula to runners at the next Chicago marathon.

    Alec Baldwin has a few words about the demise of Detroit's auto industry.  You, there!  Multi-millionaire!  Speak for us, the common man!

    This round-up of 17 Very Special Episodes is hilarious.  What, no "Bicycle Man"?

    An awful lotta laugh track for an episode about a pederasty.

    Something tells me Dudley lost the "Neptune, King of the Sea" game.

    Out of sheer curiosity, I checked to see if Conrad Bain is still alive.  He is.

    * God bless Jimmy Kimmel for speaking the truth to advertisers at the pitch meeting for ABC's primetime lineup: "These new fall shows? We’re going to cancel about 90 percent of them. Maybe more." 

    Networks are a mess these days.  So many of these shows are just unwatchable.  I think you need to have a decent hook to pull people in.  If you've got a comedy, the commercial better make us laugh.  If you've got a drama, the ad should make us feel something.  And when we're done watching the commercial, we should have a decent idea what we're in for.  NBC ran the commercials for "Kings" into the ground.  It looked like it might have been cool, but I was totally lost as to what it might have been about.  Orange flags with butterflies and the guy from "Deadwood."  Does not compute.

    Also, I was disappointed NBC canceled "My Name is Earl."  That show was wildly erratic, but when it hit, it was some of the best comedy on TV.  Kudos to creator Greg Garcia, who looked at our abysmal ratings and quipped, "It's hard to be too upset about being thrown off the Titanic."  But I'm sure an hour of Jay Leno before the news every night will be just the shot in the arm we need to fall into total bankruptcy.  God help us.

    * 5 Reasons to fear robots.  Look, we all know robots are coming for us, so it's best to stock up on insurance.

    (Yes, I will post this video every time there's a robot-gone-haywire story.)

    * Finally, I invite you to come to the Annoyance Theater tonight for the earth-shattering debut of the time travel comedy "Fatallica."  Tonight and next Wednesday only.  Tickets are a mere $5.  Do not come if you are easily offended.