* Unless you wish to remain fatally uncool, you must expand your vocabulary to include the words "presh," "fomo" and "bellig."
* Sorry, kids. You cannot be a Chinese astronaut if you have B.O. Or bad breath. Or a runny nose. Or a scar. I get the first three... but no scars? Yeah... turns out scars can burst open in space. Why have we not seen this in a movie yet? Can you imagine a more awesome scene?
* Bank employee chases down a thief and holds him until police arrive. Does he get...
B) A medal.
* If you're going to play the telephone game with your wedding proposal, don't be surprised if, "Will you marry me?" becomes, "You have hairy feet."
* Apparently, it's bad if you skip breakfast. I've been skipping it for the last 14 years. I should be dead, shouldn't I?
* I think we all can enjoy a bikini that dissolves in water, can't we?
* Redheads are more sensitive to pain. Between this and the sunburn, it's a miracle we're not all overdosing on sleeping pills.
* Too busy to potty train your child? Just send 'em to school and let the teachers deal with it.
* Gym class injuries are up 150% in the last ten years. Probably because of the compulsory unit on Thunderball...
* 80-90% of pro athletes cheat on their wives. The other 10% are in the WNBA. (Fascinating read, that link.)
* New trend:Teenage Women in Their Thirties. (TWITs for short.) See? Women can delay adulthood and sleep around just as well as men.
* "We have lots of data showing that women generally are far more sensitive to feelings of cold." Really? Thanks for that, Brainiac.
* Benefits of being a scientist: Having a penis-shaped, foul-smelling fungus named after you.
* New York's awesome solution to the homeless problem? Export 'em.
* Hair is toxic. (Especially if it comes from that family at the top of the blog.)
* Video game nerds are hooked for life. This goes without saying. Only the lure of a woman is powerful enough to break the video game curse. And no woman is attracted to a video game-playing shut-in. So until girls become so desperate that they're turned on by your prowess on Battletoads, you nerds will just have to fill that lady-shaped hole with more button-pushing and Wii swooshing.
* Got a degree and can't find a job? Sue your alma mater! It's the American way.
* Chicks in Saudi Arabia are turning to plastic surgery in increasing numbers. Look at the results!