Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Disappearing Eyebrows, Disturbing Underpants and Hurt Lockers

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* Crazy: This video was part of a wedding proposal.  (Skip the first :34)

Crazier: She said yes.

* Crocs, the shoe for idiots, are finally, at long last, on their last legs.  (Previously... Crocs are the worst thing to happen to feet since gangrene.)

* When I went back to grab the URL for my old Crocs blog, I checked the stats on Wordpress, the blog's old home.  I had 13,006 hits in June.  Wanna know how many June visitors I had to the blog on its new NBCChicago.com home?  2,743.  Why am I here again?

Fact: If you give your son a stupid name, he will grow up to be a criminal.

* If you're hot, just go ahead and strip naked and lie to the police about where your clothes are.

* Last night I watched "The Hurt Locker."  Certainly a movie based on a bomb squad in Iraq is a hard sell.  No one really wants to be reminded of the fact that we have a very real war going on on the other side of the world.  But it is a gripping and fascinating film.  From the opening scene until the credits roll, you feel the impending danger surrounding these guys.  There were times I forgot I was watching a movie.  But my heart was in my throat.  If you want your nerves jangled, check it out.  (Ebert sez: 4 stars.  And then he continues his praise.)

* Starbucks thinks it can sucker you in to their coffee shops if they stop calling themselves "Starbucks."  Interesting.  Whenever I eat at McDonald's, I feel like a disgusting slob.  But if they renamed their restaurant "Mac's Grill" or something, I'd be more apt to try it.  Same disgusting food, new name!

* Now available: Contact lenses for animals.  (From the article: "Impaired vision can also blunt the sex drive."  Really?  If I were blind, it would make it easier to hook up.  Chick could have a face like a dump truck and you wouldn't know.)

* Blacks are the most obese group, says a racist study by racist doctors from our racist federal government.

* When your doctor says you have six months to live, he might be wrong.  I've got mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, we really should live every day to its fullest.  On the other hand, if I lived every day like it were my last, I would have no money in savings and I would be unemployed.  So is that guy lucky or hosed?

"What effectively police did was to stop 15 people eating burgers."

* Hey!  Stop pooping on that building!

* South Africa is essentially a war zone.  Almost as bad as Englewood.  But now their ATMs can fight back against robbers. 

Speaking of South Africa, I caught the trailer for "District 9" last night and that looks scary awesome.

* Sometimes your girlfriend will not react well to you watching porn.

* In 1985, Ebony magazine imagined what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000.  They were way, way, way wrong.

* Are we really supposed to believe a Harry Potter fan killed himself after reading a spoiler?  That's pathetic.

* Don't you hate it when your costume ball turns into an "Eyes Wide Shut"-style orgy?  Me, too.

* One of the best reasons to see a Wes Anderson flick is the music.  Wouldn't it be cool if he whipped up a playlist for you?  Oh, wait.  What's this?

* How to get yourself arrested: Leave that beer you were drinking on top of your car while you drive off.

* Ladies and gentlemen, we have a serious problem in the works.  Apparently there's some crazy new trend where women are getting rid of their eyebrows.  Holy hell.  WHY?  My favorite part of a woman is her eyes.  And a huge part of the turn-on for me is seeing how her eyebrows accentuate her eyes.  I don't know why.  It just works.  If you overpluck or, God forbid, remove your eyebrows, you are going to look like some sort of reptilian hatchling.  Sculpt them, but leave them alone.  Your body has all sorts of other hairy spots you can attend to if the mood strikes.

* A Pakistani landlord is forcing a tenant to pay his debts by selling his kidney or his children.  And you thought your landlord was harsh...

* We put a man on the moon 40 years ago.  So why aren't humans smarter by now?  Probably because the stupid folk are outbreeding the smart ones.  (See also: "Idiocracy."  Well, just see the first 3 minutes (NSFW).  The rest is disappointing.)

* Not only are schools now paying children for good grades, they're also paying them not to litter.  And what happens when they enter the real world where no one pays them to learn or throw trash in the garbage?  I'm guessing the fabric of society rips apart.

Man vs. Mountain Lion: Mountain Lion
Man + chainsaw vs. Mountain Lion: Man

* Today is the first ever "Global Day of Happiness."  Cheer up already.  The penalty for defying the Global Day of Happiness is death.

* Thanks to some on-the-job training, there won't be a blog next week.  I plan to return Monday, July 27.  Until then, draw pictures of me fighting a dragon and e-mail them to ben.bowman@nbcuni.com.

And if you're looking for a break from the summertime blues, come out to Whiskey Rebellion's 2-year anniversary show on Sunday, July 26 @ 8 p.m.

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